PROJECT GO HOME SKINNY: DAY ONE

Okay waiting until next Monday to weigh in wasn't possible. I had to KNOW, so I stepped on the scale....116.1lbs!!!!!!!!!! I'm not surprised it went up. I have been a total food whore! To be honest I'm shocked it wasn't more! 116lbs is beyond unacceptable for me but it stunned me back into a state of "ana" ! I feel the desire and willpower!! I'm almost excited to start shrinking! It's such a high!!

Last night's double dose of senna tea worked it's magic, however it caused me major tummy cramps! It was well worth getting that junk out of me! So far today I have only had 2 cups of black coffee :) It made me jittery and sky rocketed my anxiety! I took a shower and got cleaned up, which always makes me feel better and calmed me down a bit. I'm going to be walking to Walmart and back to pick up the hubby's Money Gram....MAJOR CALORIE BURN!!!!! It should be a fun little outting...I've been going stir crazy isolating in this disgusting house of my Mother's!!! I need to pick up water and some fruits and veggies!!!

I'll keep you posted...xo

UPDATE:
Hunger struck....I numbed it with another cup and 1/2 of black coffee and ciggs....So Hollywood..lol! It really is setting in that I'm actually 116lbs!!!!! I have not been that big sense my teens!!!! It took me a while to find workout clothes that didn't put my chub on display. Not an easy task but I accomplished it and I'm out the door.....

UPDATE:
My little outting proved to be a nice escape for a bit...I definitely walked a ton but would like to workout more later! Maybe my NYC Ballet DVD and my Yoga Booty Ballet DVD! Walmart was a bit further then I thought and it was a tad chilly with an overcast. I suppose that's better then the sun beating down on me. I broke a sweat so I'm pleased :) After I received the Money Gram at Walmart, I headed down the street to the bookstore (more walking and calorie burn). I browsed for a while and then went next store to my fav place in the world WHOLE FOODS!!! I could seriously spend hours in that place! I was proud that I didn't buy unnecessary items, including FOOD! I found a Master Cleanse book and purchased it! My goal is to eat just fruits and veggies for 4-5 days and then start the Master Cleanse fast! The book seems brilliant and I can't wait to dig into it later! I also bought a big fresh organic salad with lots of veggies!!! It should work fabulous with the dieters tea...I'm thinking all the leafy greens and roughage with the senna will sweep my bowels! The Senna tea has been actively working all day! I have had several BM's. It's funny, most people would hate the constant bathroom trips but I adore them lol! I love the feeling of my body riding itself!! Tonight however, I'm only going to drink one cup of the tea. such I'm a little devil! Once again, I talked my mom into giving me a pain pill :/ Not to smart considering I just got out of REHAB! I just want to numb out a bit and I just love smoking ciggs on pain killers! Not to mention they are a great appetite suppressant! My water intake has not been up to par....I have maybe consumed 20oz. I have about 10 more ounces :/ I forgot to buy another liter while I was out! I may walk to the gas station to purchase more and burn more calories on the way!! My coffee intake is greater then my water intake...my poor kidney's!!! I've got to start cutting out caffeine before I start the Master Cleanse. I really don't want to go through a horrid withdraws!! I have to also check and see if the MC is safe with all my medications. I have been watching people's MC youtube videos. Most of them make a video about each day and speak about what they are experiencing, as well as tips! It's so inspiring!!!
It's 3pm and all I have consumed is water and coffee...I plan on eating my salad later this evening when I start getting ravenous! I have got some walking in and plan on doing some exercise DVD's! The day is going pretty peachy so far....just have to stay on track the rest of the evening and night!

PROJECT GO HOME SKINNY

So....yeah....I've been majorly screwing up weight wise. I'm usually 95-105lbs at 5'1 inches tall (I have to starve to maintain this weight) I absolutely adore that weight range and it's well worth the mantaince to fit in all my teeny clothes!. The last I weighed in, I was at 114lbs!!!!!!!!!!! I got there buy being a piggy and the weighthas only gone up due to massive binges, so I've yet to return to the scale out of fear of seeing those horrid triple digits!!!. I plan on some major elimination and restriction of foods all week and I'll then step on the scale next Monday! I'm crossing my fingers I'll be 110lbs or lighter. It's Sunday night March 5th and my last binge!!! I'm full, bloated, and disgusted with myself. I must lose at least 15lbs to return home (CA) skinny for the beach. I feel completely defeated but not hopeless. I will lose this damn chub! I've done it before and I'll do it again!

To start tomorrow off "cleaner", I prepared some laxative senna hot tea to enjoy tonight and enjoy the after effects even more in the morning! I'm actually having a double dose to help with this weeks "build up". I'm twisted and never will pass up a good BM. I'll allow myself coffee and a bit of milk in the morning tomorrow. Like I said before, this week is all about elimination and restriction. I'm eliminating all "crap food"! No sugar, white flours, processed anything.....basically just fruits and veggies with a load of water!! WATER WATER WATER and of cousrse close the day out with Senna tea!! I have been really thinking about it and I want to do a juice fast or Master cleanse...MC would be better considering I can afford it and I don't have a juicer. We shall see when I get there!?  As for exercise tomorrow the gym is out of the question. I think?? Mom still doesn't have her car so....  I have to walk to Walmart to pick up Taylor's Money Gram and that will be a good little calorie burner. I suppose it all depends on the gym/car situation but a workout will be happening!! I'm seeing how they are imperative!

Once I get the Money from Walmart I need to buy a big bottle of water to drink throughout the day and my fresh fruits and veggies, they'll I'll be consuming. I'm going to hold off eating as long as possible. Hopefully into the evening! If I stay busy it's not too hard.

I have been acting like a hermitt again....hiding away in the house largely due to how I feel and look, FAT! Anyways, I always feel better when I get out and keep busy. The Money Gram will allow me to get out a bit tomorrow and my mind body and soul is in desperate need!!!!!!!!

I was supposed to have my individual therapy and mood disorders group tomorrow afternoon but this too is all dependent on the car situation....

Ewe! I'm still smoking ciggs! I know I know! It's beyond gross I'm just so damn bored and have it stuck in my head it's a hunger killer!! The goal is to quit that as well this month! Blahhhh!